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This is a transcript from episode #47 of the Let the Verse Flow Podcast.

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I want to believe that it was someone else who first planted this notion, at 40, 45 and pushed it down into the soil so it would become firmly rooted by 50, but it wasn’t someone else. It was my voice that spoke, whispering something that made my body cringe. It was faint at first, then it rippled and echoed and built up resonance in the chambers of my mind, and then it became a housemate. This voice, it seemed reliable, reasoned, seasoned, full-baked and truthful, but it was a cunning running mate. A backup singer way off tune, and all the time it was screaming. “You can’t do that!” This voice, it came from somewhere deep inside and now was rummaging through my thoughts, escaping like ether from my breath. “You can’t do that” it would say at the most inopportune time, like when I was getting up the courage to strive, to dream, to try something new. F you, I’d say to shoo it away. I’d tell myself it wasn’t my voice, an outside plant, but I knew that my fear, my questions, and all my worries were crying out. I was afraid to try something new; I was afraid to fail and so I bolted and ran for the hills, ready to bail. I’d try to convince myself that I couldn’t learn, that I couldn’t grow, that I couldn’t change. And I believed that for a time until a gardener came to visit and saw this unyielding vine. “What the hell have you got here? This isn’t right. A vast, ugly weed in the middle of a pristine and beautiful inner sight. You can’t have this monstrous overgrowth of shamble and shame mucking up your flower bed. How will you ever sing when strangled by this fearsome beast who traverses around your muddled head? The gardener pulled and pulled until the vine succumbed. He set me free, and when my mind grew right and resettled, I’d remember that I don’t believe in fear because, because, it’s hard to put it into words, but what it comes down to is: “ I believe in me.”

I believe in me. I believe in me. It sounds sort of like a mantra, but in reality, it’s much more powerful. A voice that can reassure us that we can strive and try and venture out into new worlds. It’s a voice we need to listen to, especially if we’ve heard its limiting twin telling us lies about how we’re too old, too unskilled or too busy (sometimes code for too afraid) to try new things. I’m not talking about New Year’s resolutions here, although they could be part of this mantra. This episode is about inner knowing and self-fulfillment. It’s about not asking for permission. This episode is about trying for yourself, accepting the possibility of failure, but trying anyway. Let’s discuss self-reliance.

You can be a badass boss, a mighty caregiver, a parent who gets it all done, a manager at work who has become the company’s “go-to” person. You can be a badass in one area of your life and be hesitant and unsure in other areas. Let’s talk about those raw, scared edges we have. I’ll start.

While society might be telling me that something’s dying in me as I approach my older years, turned 60 recently, instead of dying and withering away, some days, I feel something else welling up. It’s power and energy and longing and striving, but all in an energized way.

The Benefits of Getting Older

One of the gifts of getting older that I don’t think people talk about enough is the way it can help some of us break free from self-limiting talk and ramblings about inadequacy. I used to beat myself up more when I was younger and some of it came from this intense feeling of pressure to get things done quickly and right. I needed to lose weight (all in the next month). I needed to get a promotion (within the next six months but tomorrow was even better). I needed to have a kid (and now before all my chances ran out). Underneath my calm demeanor was a sort of frantic, yearning youthful dreamer. 

Now, I’m still a dreamer and I still yearn, but I accept a different time clock. I know I can’t lose weight overnight (it’s a lifelong process to stay healthy). I know how to ask for a promotion or a raise using reasoned, strategic arguments and processes. I know that the timeline for some major life gifts, like children, can’t be controlled and that’s the way life goes. I feel more settled in these understandings and that gives me peace of mind and self-reliance.

From a Place of Self-Reliance

From a place of self-reliance, knowing that I can do the things that need to get done in my life, I can strive for new goals. I don’t need to ask permission, and in fact I probably shouldn’t because no one can know what’s best for me but me. If I want something new to come into my life, one of the best places to look for it, to help manifest it, is to turn inward, dig deep and build it within my own psyche and soul and then let it take flight out into the world. Sometimes I feel like that weed of doubt that I talked about at the beginning of this episode is coming back. I’ll hear some doubting inner voice or think of limits instead of possibilities, but overall I find it much easier to quell those worries because I have so much history with building new things. 

Whether it's pivoting in my career and starting new projects, living through the ups and downs of raising a teenager, now a young adult or saying a long goodbye to my sweet mother, I know that I have the fortitude to build and grow, pivot and change. That ability doesn’t dissipate as we age, in fact it can grow and get stronger. Our sense of self-empowerment can grow as we reflect back on our youth and remember that we made it through. 

So, what can we 50 and 60+ people do?

Just about anything really, especially if we aren’t looking through a limited viewfinder and we accept our current stage of life. For example, I can’t stay up much past midnight without falling asleep, I go to bed much earlier than I did when I was young, but I also wake up much earlier. I wake up at 5 or 6 am almost every day, even on weekends, and feel energized about what I can accomplish during the day if I put my mind to it. I’m not yearning for those late-night antics because I have 5 am passion projects. I have art, I have music, poetry, meditation, journaling. I have a life. 

I’m also still venturing out, but instead of venturing out into dance clubs at 2 am, I’m venturing into new skill development and following passion projects to new opportunities. I’ve recently begun to take classes and workshops on voice-over acting as an outgrowth of the work I do on this podcast. When I first started the podcast, I had no idea where it would land, who it would land with and what it could lead to, but over time I realize it's led to so much – to new audio skills, vocal skills, to new interests and desires to learn again.

If I had let the idea that I couldn’t produce a podcast get into my head, that I couldn’t teach myself how to record and edit audio, I wouldn’t be in this place right now, growing to a potential new vocation. Don’t misunderstand, it wasn’t easy to start a podcast, and I was afraid, but I did it anyway. And I learned some lessons along the way that I want to share with you.

There can be obstacles to trying new things as we get older, some self-imposed and others seem to come through the air from society in the way of norms or cultural beliefs. But in the end, your life is yours and the only voice and train of thought that really matters is yours. Let’s see if we can start thinking more about possibility than limitation. Let’s tackle some of these pesky tagalongs.

Trying New Things in Unchartered Territory

First, whenever you try something new, you receive several new visitors who want to tag along. Like cartoon characters, these visitors manifest their voices in the negative. They tell you that you can’t do this new thing, that you don’t have the skill, and that you will most likely fail. These voices inside your head can sound so logical, real and reasonable that you believe them, but unless your wish is to be an astronaut and colonize Mars in the next decade (something out of the realm of possibility because of a variety of outside factors), you can still achieve so much – no matter your age (and sometimes because of it!). 

Fear in all its faces

Those negative thoughts are all nuanced versions of fear of the unknown. In my experience the fear doesn’t go away, so you might as well make friends with it. Acknowledge it,

Oh, hey Betty, I see you are visiting me again now. Yeah, thanks, but I can’t stay and chat right now, I have a class to go to. I’m building my skills right now, so I can’t sit around with you and chit-chat about possible landmines. Thanks for visiting, but I’m good right now.

Watch fearsome Betty go away. She’ll slide out of the portal of your mind and let you carry on with your class or workshop, webinar or practice session. Get comfortable with some fear of failure, it only comes around when you are stretching yourself in new ways, and the older you get the more certain you can know that you won’t die from fear if you just accept its presence and move through it. 

Imposter Syndrome and the Many Faces of Fear

Next, there’s the imposter syndrome. This is more fear, but instead of just saying, “You can’t do this,” sometimes there’s a deeper notion that you are somehow flawed for wanting the new venture or skill or passion project. Not only will it be hard, and you could fail, but you don’t have the necessary underlying skills to grow toward this new aspiration. It will fail because you are somehow not as skilled or filled with potential as you think. This is fear that’s messing with your head now. It hasn’t just come to visit, it’s trying to become a housemate, and it wants you to think that you don’t have it in you to grow and learn and change. 

More Fear as Ageism

Related to this are all the arguments related to ageism. We can especially feel this imposter syndrome when we are trying new things as an older person.

I’m too old to go back to school. I can’t pivot in my career again, you only get two times to do that. What am I trying to prove with this move, at my age shouldn’t I be more settled.

Some of these are valid points. It’s hard to go back to school at 50 or 60. It’s not expected by society that we may want to enter new careers at this age, and some people do like to settle down and strive less as they get older. But you know what, some people don’t. If you are just gearing up, like I am, then gear up, but don’t expect other people to stoke your fire. That’s your job. Hopefully, a few close family and friends will encourage you as well, but if not, it’s up to you – and you are up for the task.

grayscale photography of woman facing window
Photo by Alex Ivashenko / Unsplash

It's Lonely in the Middle

Next, I think this venturesome spirit in older age can be lonely at times. People may not support you, or even show interest in your work. Don’t rely on them. Rely on yourself – and the biggest key to this is to also rely on your venture. Make sure whatever you choose really lights you up. Does your new venture or project keep you up at night with thoughts of possibility? Do you wake up thinking of new ideas? Do you look forward to sitting down to plan, taking classes or learning new skills? Those work sessions will take the place of other people’s approval and support. You are grown now and you can rely on yourself. You have it in you to do that. 

This poem is about the ways that we can fend for ourselves. We don’t need to ask for permission or doubt our actions, we can take first steps, adjust, change course, and renew the path over and over again. We can work on our resilience and tell ourselves positive stories so that we want to wake up again tomorrow morning and try again. This poem is called You Were Made

You Were Made

By Jill Hodge

Have you ever wanted to be hugged?
Full and handsy by someone you loved.
To be swept up, a swirl like cinnamon buns
When you squeeze, the dough pops back
As the goo oozes out to spill onto your hands
Have you ever wanted to be twirled?
Fast and hit with fragrant winds that hold memories.
To dance across an expansive space
When steps tell a story between two people
But they save some for themselves
Have you ever wanted to be pushed?
Gentle but firm, you’ve been told that you can.
And now you’re believing there’s a path to thread.
Where the choices you make are just good enough
And you might just figure things out, or so you’ve been told.
Hug yourself, twirl yourself, push yourself
For as certain as someone else has shown you the way
You, too, can show yourself.
Like the first flight of a new fledgling.
You were molded like clay, to figure things out.
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Remember, you were born to future things out. It’s in our DNA, and the older we get the more history we build up with meeting challenges and growing through them. It may feel painful sometimes, but that inner voice that says you should try is only there cause it wants you to be truly alive. Alive, striving, trying new things, and leaning on the skills, experiences and foundation that you’ve built over the years.

Journal Prompts for Becoming More Self-Reliant

Here are some journal prompts about being more self-reliant, Write or reflect on the following this week.

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What do you know for certain about yourself? Make a list of the skills, personality traits and passions that you feel certain about and can use to build on.
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Write about a fear as if it will come true and then reflect on what you would do and how you would handle it. Then, say goodbye to that fear, and let it go.
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Is there anything you have yet to achieve that you will regret not achieving later in life? Explore some first steps that you could take to move in the direction of that dream.

Fear, imposter syndrome and ageism can cripple us if we let them, but in the end, if we don’t face them, we lose out. We lose our capacity to dream and take the chance of making those dreams come true. I want more for you. Embrace your age, whatever it is, make friends with fear, and do the things anyway. I promise you when you are striving toward that passion project that lights you up, the fear will go away, and in its place will rise a thunderous bolt of self-fulfillment. When you walk through the fear and strive for new adventures, you realize your own inner power. Find a favorite song to play in the background, and be certain that you are moving closer to the bright side of the beat.🌞


Podcast Music: My thanks to all the musicians who make incredible music and have the courage to put it out into the world. All music and sound effects for my podcast are sourced and licensed for use via Soundstripe.

Songs in this podcast episode: Only Wanna by Sam Barsh; Slide by GEMM; Evergreen As In All Things by GEMM; Pyaar Kee Seemaen by Cast of Characters

New Resource!

On the podcast, I often explore tools and strategies to reduce overthinking. Now, I've created a fun, art-lovers practice guide to stop overthinking, worry, and rumination. Click below to read it now.

The Art-lovers Creative Practice Guide to Stop Overthinking, Worry, and Rumination
This is my creative take on the process (and practice) of releasing the grip of overthinking using four modalities -- body connection, art/creativity, nature, and writing/journaling.

Read it Now

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Journaling Resources

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