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This is a transcript from episode #38 of the Let the Verse Flow Podcast.
Family Vacation: An Empty Nester's Delight
As my fellow empty nesters will know, there’s nothing better than when your grown child wants to go away on vacation with you. They actually want to spend time with you on a family vacation when they could be spending their college break with friends or just alternating between sleep and binging videos around the house. It’s an amazing feeling to spend time with your adult child.
My daughter, newly 21, has the soul of an older person. I like to think she is channeling my mother’s wisdom, passed along through the generations. My daughter is adorable, smart and full of wit. As a child, she liked to say that she was idiosyncratic because she liked playing with worms, feeding goats and walking to the beat of a different drummer. She’s definitely someone you want to go on vacation with.
When our daughter said she wanted to vacation with us, her dad and I jumped at the chance, but where should we go? After much negotiation, we settled on the Netherlands, Utrecht to be exact, and we went to this smaller city (instead of Amsterdam) for a two-week vacation. According to my podcast stats, I have a listener from Utrecht. Welcome dear listener. I’m sorry for butchering the pronunciation of your beautiful city, but I do it out of poor guttural sound production skills, not from a lack of respect.
Why did we pick Utrecht? Two main reasons: the first was a fantastic Instagram reel that presented it as a beautiful, less crowded alternative to Amsterdam (and it was), and the second because my partner, who uses a wheelchair, needed a truly wheelchair-accessible room (that didn’t cost $400-$500 per night) and we found one in Utrecht. It seems reasoned and rational when I tell it in hindsight, but I think we also had a significant amount of luck in picking.
In today’s episode, I want to talk about a few of the interactions we had in Utrecht as a way of sharing this beautiful city with you. Instead of a travelogue of sights and tourist spots, I want to tell you what people said and did, how the city made us feel, and what it meant to us. I’ll weave in a few musings and a poem (because that’s my way of storytelling), and perhaps it will spark you to reflect on your vacation in a similar way, or simply learn about the wonders of one particular sweet European town.
In no particular order, here are some of my impressions.
Canals, Canals, Canals
First, there are many more canals than I imagined. I imagined a few, a main one and then a few others, but there were so many. There are 165 canals in Amsterdam, and there are three main waterways in Utrecht’s center; we spent most of our time in the oldest section, in Oudegracht. In the 13th century, they built streets along the canals with cellars to store the markets wine and crops. Those wharves at the water level now have sweet cafes and restaurants, while the upper levels have been turned into pedestrian walkways and bike lanes.
Each canal system is beautiful in its own way. Some are small and sweet, some have wide mouths and divert in different directions, and some are lined with windows and interior walkways that magically transform you from the street to the water. Most have a wide assortment of boats where groups of young men, young women, couples and families sip wine, eat cheese, talk or don’t talk and move to other sections of the canal.
The canals glisten at night, especially when viewed from a balcony overhead when the moon strikes the water in just the right way. I was lucky enough to enjoy a perfect Aperol spritz while engaging in an interesting conversation with a young man from Morrocco at the table next to us. He was attending university in Amsterdam and missing his home; we talked about my trip last year to beautiful Morocco, settling on the fact that Tangier had the best medina for sane shopping and cultural immersion.
We looked over the canals, we sipped, we talked, we paused and listened to the largest church tower in the Netherlands, the Dom Tower, chime in the distance. The canals are a living entity, they weave through the cities, hinting at dark passageways, steep intricate hidden stairways, stillness and curves in the shadows of the life-giving presence of water.
All Kinds of Bikers
The next noticing was about the culture of biking. I knew biking was supreme in the Netherlands. I knew we needed to keep our eyes open when crossing around tight corners, but I wasn’t prepared to see so much diversity in the biking culture. Biking down through the ages and in many different styles. Every type of person, every age person bikes in Utrecht. Old women with floppy hats bike, young professional women in business skirts bike, friends bike next to each other and have long conversations when holding up traffic, speed demons bike, slow snails bike.
Everyone bikes, and as a pedestrian from New York City who walks everywhere, it was fascinating to experience what it’s like when your movement is restricted, and somehow your walking (no longer supreme and protected) is held tight into small lanes that dare not tread into a biker’s path. I’d have to bike if I lived in the Netherlands. I’d have to join the diverse soup of wheels, laughter, and mostly orderly progression to get from one place to another.
Generosity Knows No Bounds
People were kind and generous, especially with their phones. When we got to the airport, we had to request travel assistance, so that Arthur, my partner, could get on the Intercity train with the use of a ramp. We had tried to get this assistance using the transportation app prior to coming into the country, but it only recognized Dutch phone numbers. We figured it out in the airport, and I felt proud of my ability to give up control and go with the flow. I’m usually supremely prepared for travel given our use of a wheelchair, but I told myself it would work itself out once we got to the Netherlands and talked to people. And it did.
A kind woman working behind the train ticket booth called the disability assistance department and lent me her phone so I could arrange for help. This conversation took a while, as we had to be added to the system, and when I was finished with my conversation, I turned around and walked back to the booth to return the phone, only to be told that the woman was on her break and behind the counter in the inner office. She had left her phone with me and went on break, without worrying or considering how to get it back. No one I have ever met has the potential to be that unbothered by lending her phone to a stranger!
And the woman who took the phone back to her for me was equally unbothered. “Oh, yes, I’ll bring it to her.” You don’t understand, no one in NYC gives up their phone that easily. And it wasn’t the only time that happened. A woman at the hotel lent us her phone to arrange transportation on another instance and I spent an inordinate amount of time on her phone without her batting an eyelash. Such patience and sharing can not go unnoticed. FYI, I stopped making these calls when another friendly Dutch person told us we could take sprinter trains (which have automatic ramps) instead of Intercity trains to most of our destinations, thus preventing us from being dependent on the kindness of strangers. But kind they were, and patient, and unbothered when they could have easily been bothered.
Unabashed Curiosity
People were curious; on three occasions, Dutch people asked us how it was to travel in a wheelchair in Utrecht. They imagined it was hard with the cobblestones; it’s not because the cobblestones are typically small (it was a bit harder in Amsterdam), but it was not the most difficult place I’ve pushed a wheelchair. The interesting thing to me was that they asked.
Arthur and I talked about how rarely people ask us these direct questions in the States, for fear of seeming pushy or intrusive, but natural curiosity was expressed easily in Utrecht. In many ways, Arthur’s use of a wheelchair wasn’t extraordinary to them, and people rarely treated us any differently than they would if he was walking. I think the directness of their questions confirms how comfortable and unbothered they were by his disability. In some ways, their lack of special treatment was comforting because there was an acceptance that using a wheelchair wasn’t out of the realm of the ordinary.
We saw many more people in wheelchairs using the trains than we typically see in NYC. Amazing to me, and while I wouldn’t say everything was easily maneuvered in a wheelchair, it was relatively wheelchair-friendly. To any listeners who use a wheelchair or are curious about accessibility, in addition to the mostly wheelchair-friendly public transportation options, Arthur loved the design of the bathrooms with secure bar systems and layouts that usually made things easier for a person who uses a wheelchair.
Castle Walks Are Fun!
The walk to a castle can be as much fun as the castle itself. We visited the largest castle in the Netherlands, the 14th-century De Haar Castle. We had to take two trains and then walk 40 minutes (most Ubers don’t have lifts, so we decided to walk one way and Uber back the way home). One of my favorite memories from the whole trip was the walk from the train station to the castle. The open farmland was framed in sections by what I think are poplar trees. Tall, thin trees that rustled in the wind, and left you alone with your thoughts. A variety of fruit trees could also be seen, with weighty pears hanging from bent branches. Plus, the Netherlands is flat and the roads in this area were asphalt instead of cobblestones. We picnicked at the Castle, enjoying the deer park and the goats on the property while eating big hunks of cheese and bread. We could just be together. Castle walks are one of my new favorite pastimes.
Van Gogh: It's All About the Yellow Brush Strokes
You can see Van Gogh’s brush strokes. Honestly, Amsterdam felt crowded to me, especially around the train station, and as I wanted to get away from a big city, we only ventured into Amsterdam a few times. But we had to see Van Gogh’s brush strokes. I always heard people talk about his use of yellow and how he only had three shades of yellow for his sunflower paintings. And it was sort of lost on me; I figured he’s a talented artist; three shades of yellow should be enough. But what I didn’t understand was what a marvel it is to see how he makes those three shades of yellow shimmer like gold. It’s the shimmer part, the metallic light that is achieved by the brush strokes, their size, and the angles between the brush strokes. The changes in the weight of the paint. It’s remarkable to see that level of mastery with the physicality of paint. Look at his paintings close up and then far away and you can marvel twice.
An Invitation to Pray
While walking down the street, we were invited inside a beautiful Catholic church by a seminary student who asked if we would like to light a candle in someone’s honor. We did. While not a Catholic, I love the rituals of church, I love the beauty of a church, and I loved this young man’s gentle invitation.
St. Catherine’s Cathedral, in the old city center of Utrecht, was built in the 1500s. A simple church with fine details, like swirling red flower motifs on the archways leading to the altar. We lit a candle in honor of my dear friend Kathleen (my daughter’s Godmother) and a friend who was taken from me much too early in life. Then, the priest huddled with us and said a prayer in Latin for our family. He invited us to come back whenever we liked and seemed satisfied to pray for a short time with us and then release us back into the rest of our day. It was touching, unexpected, and memorable.
Brilliant Magenta Sunsets
Lastly, the sunsets were amazing! They rivaled my favorite sunsets in Hawaii, but really can’t be compared because they are of a different quality. The sky lights up with orange bands that are more jagged and edgy somehow than Hawaiian melting skies. I speculate that all the rain clouds that pop up and then go away throughout the day make for beautiful disturbances in the sky causing the brilliant hues. On several occasions, we could see the sun as a giant, glowing orb that slowly melted into the horizon.
After a long day of sightseeing, castling (that’s my new word for walking to and around castles), canal wandering and getting drunk on cheese, bread and wine, these sunsets are like a warm magenta punctuation mark. A beautiful period, an end to the day, where you feel like you’ve experienced your life and can let the day transition to its next chapter. The sun roars its way down and then it becomes night.
All these observations and interactions made this trip unexpectedly touching. You know that feeling when you are touched by a place, a conversation, the way a breeze makes you feel. You feel something open in your heart, a warm space around your heart that feels good and comforted. I hope you have had a spacious, heartfelt experience this summer. I’ve linked to some of the sights I’ve mentioned today in the show notes. Perhaps you’ll want to explore them too (in person or virtually).
Did I have a good time in the Netherlands? Yes, but much more importantly, I felt like I had precious time – expansive time with family, meaningful interactions with strangers and passersby, time to hear myself think, strange interactions with river crabs and tall grass along a winding road. Prayers and candles, moonlit canals and quiet conversations, flavorful tastings of cheese and bread, pairings of journaling and cocktails. Time to bond with my family, to remember what binds us together and the many ways we can laugh at our shared stories.
The trip gave me time to be mindful of the details, so I could come home and share them with all of you. Here’s a poem called Precious. I wrote it in my hotel lobby while sipping a passionfruit martini, listening to soft bass and electronic beats, with a view of a small canal that led under a train station called Utrecht Vaartsche Rijn.
Shaken ice with a beat, and bass behind me.
Passionfruit martini with a view.
Utrecht, the canals shimmer and the world feels right.
My loves upstairs, asleep and living on dreams and miles traveled through row houses, dammed and upstream.
I’m restless, these views, this music, won’t come around but once or twice, and I know that life is precious.
Precious sunshine on my neck.
Precious smiles from passersby.
Precious, gracious, kind,
In small supply, but not on this day, as precious comes into play.
And I can’t stay put, restless and trying to stay awake, to keep the day alive.
Alive, because it’s precious.
Precious stained-glass windows.
Precious narrow wooden doors.
Precious breeze as the bikes fly,
Another day is slowly sailing by.
Precious 'cause time is slower here in the lowlands,
The Netherlands.
Where the estate of Utrecht welcomes me with open arms.
And I needed a hug from a stranger, a precious moment where magic resides.
Journal Prompts to Preserve Precious Summer Memories
Whether you traveled this summer or not, I hope the summer presented new wonders and ideas to ponder. Where I am in the United States, fall will be here before we know it, and we’ll need the sweet notes of long summer days to hold on to. Memories of a warm breeze, free time and expansive views. Here are some journal prompts to call up memories from your summer (or the last season you enjoyed). Write about it now, tuck your thoughts away and then return to them in the cold winter months (or in the next season) and see what reflections matter most to you.
Here are three journal prompts to preserve precious memories from summer.
Time is precious, summertime vacations are especially precious. I want to send my loving kindness to the people of Utrecht. Thank you for welcoming my family into your cheese shops, your churches, and castles. Thanks for being interested in us, where we came from, what we thought, and thank you for putting up with our butchered tongues as we tried to eke out some Dutch. We did it out of respect for your beautiful language, and you graciously accepted it. There are 10 ways to say thank you in Dutch, and I’m going to butcher the easiest of those forms: Bedankt.
Podcast Music: My thanks to all the musicians who make incredible music and have the courage to put it out into the world. All music for my podcast is sourced and licensed for use via Soundstripe.
Songs in this podcast episode: Solar Wav by GEMM; Slide by GEMM; Boardwalk Chill by Matt Wigton; Pyaar Kee Seemaen by Cast of Characters
Resources:
Meet Vincent: the Painter of Sunflowers:
5 Things You Need to Know About Van Gogh’s Sunflowers
LTVF Season Two Music Playlist: Check out the songs that inspire me, and connect with artists from many genres who add to our collective, human soundtrack.
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Journaling Resources
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