Making Peace with Grief (the Shapeshifter)

🎧 Episode #54 (Making Peace with Grief (the Shapeshifter)

As I enter my fourth year of mourning my mom’s illness and Alzheimer’s diagnosis, I’ve made some small peace with grief, but it’s been hard to pin down, because grief is a shapeshifter.

It darts and weaves in and out of the corners of my mind and heart. It’s here some days, goes away on others, then returns in full regalia, ready to charge back into my life. Just when I think I have a handle on it, when I think I can manage, it shows me another side, and I realize that I was fooling myself. 

I want to talk about accepting grief so that we don’t tear ourselves apart.

I want to find a way to hold its hand and understand that I can live through this hurt, and really make peace with the inevitable grief that we all feel sometimes.

I don’t mean this episode to be a guide to overcoming grief, and I don’t want to offer tips and tools to handle it. Some people have known grief with a depth and breadth that’s unfathomable to me. My grief is really about the loss of my best friend, after many years of joy and happiness. So, I just want to sit with grief and understand it, make some peace with it.

I want to share some observations about the changing nature of grief as a way of connecting with others who may have similar thoughts, or just join me in an unspoken community of fellow grievers, supporting one another as best we can.

In this episode, I explore:

• The shapeshifting nature of grief
• The many sides of grief (even strangely feelings of gratitude that come on)
• The comfort of mindfulness and acceptance (when you can get it )

🎨Grief is a Shapeshifter

Recently, I’ve begun to tolerate grief a bit better. I wouldn’t say that I’m comfortable with grief, but I am familiar with the way it works. I’ve come to understand grief’s shapeshifting ways. Here’s a poem on the way grief morphs and changes in my life. This poem is called Grief Is a Shapeshifter.

Grief is a Shapeshifter

By Jill Hodge

Grief is a shapeshifter.
A shapeshifter on the prowl.

One day, it thrusts its pins and needles through the eyes.
Then next, you’re counting blessings,
Feeling wistful, almost wise.

A year later, you’re exhausted and alone.
Annoyed at people who give advice,
A swarm of bees without honey,
But still they drone.

Another moment, you accept it because you must.
Tired and pulled down, you lose your fight.
But is that any way to live a life?
Like a ragdoll that’s lost its stuffing.

Grief makes you go limp in the knees,
The feeling spreads.
It’s in your stomach now, then in your head.
It's with you during meals, it invades your bed.

It’s always there, it settles in.
As if invited, for you’ve been told and know.
That it was coming someday, somehow.
It came attached to your love, your laughter, and favorite moments.
And now it hops aboard your long train of condolence.

In the end, you’ve been orbiting a galaxy that slowly dies.
Seldom known or understood,
And with a map that changes, as invisible ink slowly dries.

What can you do?
Nothing, except find a small road,
Take a walk and accept it.
For if you don’t, there will be no life for you.
Cause grief will do what it wants to do.

Grief is a shapeshifter.
A shapeshifter on the prowl.

💭Key Takeaways from this Episode:

• Grief teaches us what to care about and what to let go of; it helps us set priorities about how we spend our time; we may ask, "Who and what are worth it?" 
• Mindfulness and stillness in nature can be nurturing when words and actions aren't enough to cope with grief, or when you want to sit with yourself and process your loss.
• Sometimes grief morphs into gratitude (feeling grateful for the love or friendship you had).
• Even when we feel like our grief will never end, eventually we may see a pattern in the way it rises and falls.
• Grief stays with us, in many different forms, and self-acceptance of all the feelings we have can make it easier to sit with our painful feelings.

Journal Prompts for Making Peace with the Shapeshifting Nature of Grief

Here are some journal prompts to guide your reflection on how to make peace with the shapeshifting nature of grief. Write or reflect on these questions:

The kindest thing my best friend has done for me when it comes to comforting me through grief has been her check-ins. She checks in via texts to let me know she's thinking of me. She doesn’t try to fix things or question me too much; she simply returns to me from time to time to say that she is thinking of me and wants me to know that if I need anything, she is there. If that isn’t a gift from my shapeshifting grief, I don’t know what is.

Life’s journey can have some devastating twists and turns, but if it’s possible, let’s try to hold onto the comfort of memories with our loved ones at the same time we are experiencing grief.

Sometimes even that remembrance is difficult, so I’ll just say that I hope that when grief’s shapeshifting ways dissipate and show a softer side that you are able to spend at least a short time thinking about a shared remembrance with a loved, perhaps a time when you were together on the bright side of the beat.🌞

Podcast Music: My thanks to all the musicians who make incredible music and have the courage to put it out into the world. All music and sound effects for my podcast are sourced and licensed for use via Soundstripe.

Songs in this podcast episode: Static Sea by Chromatica; Slide by GEMM; Edge Of Victory by Dr. Delight; Pyaar Kee Seemaen by Cast of Characters

Related Episodes:

Grief & Gratitude (It's Bittersweet) - Episode #15

New Resource!

On the podcast, I often explore tools and strategies to reduce overthinking. Now, I've created a fun, art-lovers practice guide to stop overthinking, worry, and rumination. Click below to read it now.

The Art-lovers Creative Practice Guide to Stop Overthinking, Worry, and Rumination

This is my creative take on the process (and practice) of releasing the grip of overthinking using four modalities -- body connection, art/creativity, nature, and writing/journaling.

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Journaling Resources

30-Day Journal Challenge (Writing Prompts to Get Started)

Here’s a fun & simple 30-day journal challenge for beginners (or those who need inspiration). Use the daily prompts to rediscover yourself.

Let the Verse FlowJill Hodge

Journaling 101: An Inspirational Guide to Start (or Revive) a Practice

Whether you write, doodle, draw, or keep memorable quotes, journaling uncovers YOU. Let your unconscious mind speak, download my free guide.

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