Handling Waves of Grief with Self-Compassion

🎧 Episode #62 Handling Waves of Grief with Self-Compassion

Grief comes in waves – successive, unpredictable, fierce or tumbling – and with each wave, we get swept up and taken to another place. Sometimes it's a place of anger, sometimes it's a place of nostalgia and memory, sometimes it's a place of great sorrow, or even a place of laughter.

How do we steady ourselves for the inevitable onslaught of so many conflicting feelings? With self-compassion.

Self-compassion is comprised of three elements: self-kindness, common humanity and mindfulness. In this episode, I break down each of these components and then show you how I cultivate self-compassion during this time of grieving.

Mindfulness has been particularly helpful to me in acknowledging and accepting my grief. I've opened up to being mindful of my feelings so that I can live with them and try to make space for them in my life. If I don't make this space for them and treat myself with compassion, I may try to fight against my grief, deny it or even convert it into anger or shame. It's hard enough to get along without my sweet mom; I don't want to turn against myself when I need me more than ever.

💭Key Takeaways from this Episode:

• Grief is not linear, and it doesn't follow a convenient timeline in our lives. We'll need to make space for it in our lives, and self-compassion is the first step in that direction.
• Family and friends will reach out to you with compassion after the loss of a loved one, but it's the compassion and caring you show yourself that really leads to lasting healing (and acceptance of the grieving moments).
• According to positive psychology research, self-compassion comprises three key components: self-kindness, common humanity, and mindfulness. Mindfulness is most intertwined with self-compassion.
• Experiment with activities until you find ones that lessen the hurt. Some of my most compassionate activities this month have included getting an abundance of sleep/rest (to manage the fatigue of feeling so many emotions all at once), nature walks, watching old television reruns, and guided meditations from my favorite teacher.
• Explore which self-compassionate activities will help you ride the waves of grief.

The Luckiest Child

By Jill Hodge

I used to want you near, I’d call out your name at night
When monsters lay beneath my bed, and bare feet leapt in fright
You’d always come and bring some peace
Like a blanket you’d drape around my body
a cover for my frightened feet

You tucked me in so sweetly
You stroked my forehead for a while
And watched my eyes turn everything to black
You were the best mother, and I was the luckiest child

I used to hold your hand to capture warmth
And know that I belonged
We stood out in a crowd, cause love like ours
Was seldom known, not often seen
And in the holding, came forth your magical powers
Like how the earth makes a home for the loveliest of flowers

I used to tell you stories, and you would always listen
As though they captured your heart and mind
Sense knowing and deep pools that glisten
You’d ask me to say more
Until I wrapped my head around it
Till I let go, you dare not close the door

But those days would pass, and I’d get restless
I used to call you just because
The wind was blowing, the rain picked up

“Did you want to go for a walk?” I’d ask
Surely not, but “yes” came from your mouth
What a sweet surprise

Who goes on walks in the rain, all wet
Who goes on walks in the wind, all swept
Only those who love us dearly, heaven-sent
Only those whom we miss, until our last breath spent

Journal Prompts to Cultivate Self-Compassion While Grieving

Here are some journal prompts to help you manifest self-compassion as you navigate waves of grief. Write or reflect on these questions:

I’m riding new waves these days, waves of grief – unpredictable, likely to take me out if I’m not careful or don’t read the signs right. These waves can pull and push me, but they are usually followed in succession by smaller waves of gratitude and moments of self-compassion. Look for those waves too. When all of that sojourning feels like too much, I rest. I commune with my pillow, my soft blanket, and my embodied memories of my sweet mom. I wish you the comfort of self-compassion. You deserve it, and it is your right to have it. You'll find it, I hope, on the bright side of the beat.🌞

Podcast Music: My thanks to all the musicians who make incredible music and have the courage to put it out into the world. All music and sound effects for my podcast are sourced and licensed for use via Soundstripe.

Songs in this podcast episode: Sunshine On My Soul by Moments; Some Kind of Wonderful by Nu Alkemi$t; Con Sazón by In This World

Resources:

What is self-compassion? (positive psychology article): https://positivepsychology.com/self-compassion-self-love/#self-compassion-and-positive-psychology

Vinny Ferraro’s website: https://vinnyferraro.org/; see the recordings tab for his Dharma talks and guided meditations

Three Buddhist Practices For Getting Your Sh*t Together (Vinny Ferraro) (August 5, 2024 episode) of the 10% Happier Podcast; discussion about Vinny’s favorite practices, including alignment, noting practice and being an “empathetic witness” for yourself

You Can’t Hate Yourself into Becoming a Better Person (Vinny Ferraro) (August 31, 2025 episode) of the 10% Happier Podcast; discussion about Vinny’s childhood and early struggles and how he came to find a new path through Insight meditation.

How To Make Time for the Things You Actually Care About (Vinny Ferraro) (September 21, 2025 episode) of the 10% Happier Podcast; discussion about how you can’t afford not to make time to tune into your life

Related Episodes:

Making Peace with Grief (the Shapeshifter) - Episode #54

Grief & Gratitude (It's Bittersweet) - Episode #15

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Journaling Resources

30-Day Journal Challenge (Writing Prompts to Get Started)

Here’s a fun & simple 30-day journal challenge for beginners (or those who need inspiration). Use the daily prompts to rediscover yourself.

Let the Verse FlowJill Hodge

Journaling 101: An Inspirational Guide to Start (or Revive) a Practice

Whether you write, doodle, draw, or keep memorable quotes, journaling uncovers YOU. Let your unconscious mind speak, download my free guide.

Let the Verse FlowJill Hodge

Let the Verse Flow (and its companion newsletter Flow & Voice) is a creative project created with love by writer, podcast host, and narrator Jill Hodge. If you subscribe today, you'll have full access to the website and newsletter, including articles, podcast episodes, and the Flow & Voice monthly note. Members are vital to building a rich community of diverse voices. Join us by subscribing today; consider a paid subscription to support Jill's work. Thank you!